1. Four am is the dead of night really and I was awake this morning from then to see the dawn and lick my wounds. My heart was in a vicious mood. Sad and angry and embarrassed with itself. There is also something very special about 4am. It's a private and lonely time. Mostly the immeadiate world is sleeping, even more unaware of what's around them than during their waking dream. This four am I was pacing about thinking, mulling things over and trying to find some equilibrium. I was feeling desperate and then resolved and then uncertain and then strong. Everything began to seem like a dream. I was tired having had a matter of a very few hours sleep and weepy and lonely. It was a pathetic sight I'm sure. By dawn I was calmer, pacified with tiredness. 2. There have been some pretty fine 4am's. I met with a 4am friend to talk about my woes and get some advice. It was good advice. And having a friend who can say anything to you and who can hear anything you have to say without judgement or prejudice is without comparison.
3. My sunflower flower flowered. It seemed to express the optimism I had lost. Its about nine foot tall and the bright yellowness of it shines out in my yard like a beacon of beautiful joy. Every home should have one. I talked some more, and cried some more and then laughed and giggled and felt my feet touch the ground again.
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