Routine, nuzzling and my chemical romance

1. Breaking routines is unusual for me. So Saturday morning without my usual trip for coffee and the Guardian with Nellie Poodle was different. Consciously keeping to patterns of behaviour may help the feeling of stability but it takes surprisingly little change for the sense of security to be questioned and challenged. I admit that there have been a few challenges to my quotidian existence recently. And I am definitely in a process of adapting and changing to a whole new set of rules and variations of what is acceptable behaviour and how I can be happy without hurting anyone else. In the last few months I have been met by a range of interesting circumstances which have stimulated me to reconsider some aspects of my way of being. It's not entirely comfortable. I seem to run out of time every day, where once I had spare. The good and beautiful side of this has been meeting some interesting and stimulating characters along the way. I look for something beautiful in each person I meet, it is positive discrimination. There is is always some aspect worth considering in any body. In most people there are multiples of open and closed doors to investigate, appreciate and play with. I get frustrated by the time we waste in cautious investigation of each other or pretending we have no interest or consciously removing the possibility of closeness and collaboration. It would be naive to imagine that everyone is 'good', but likewise I find it impossible to start from the position that people are more likely to be 'bad'. My routine personality has been challenged by having to engage with some nifty new characters from whence a great chest of fortune has opened.

2. When I watch scary movies, it is nice to snuggle up with someone so I can hide my eyes through the worst bits. I know in a way this defeats some of the object but it is a hell of a good way to get close to someone. Two movies were purchased from from the reduced section for a £1 each. They turned out to be the very worst kind of horror films neither of which could be watched all the way through, but they afforded a lovely opportunity to nuzzle and hide.

3. Damn the third beautiful thing. It is hard to be completely honest about these three things. There are times when I find it hard to say what is really in my heart. Obviously by saying that what I really mean is events and things which have brightened a few synapses. This idea that there is something going on in my heart is nonsense. The emotions we feel are entirely driven by body chemistry. I'm thinking that that means behaviours like routine, affection and attraction are activated chemically. The hopelessly romantic view that there is some beautiful force that makes us be good or bad, happy or sad, loving or unkind is simply unrealistic and magical thinking with no basis in reality. That does seem harsh in another mind-set but I'm thinking it makes everything rather simpler and less complicated in mine. I seem to have unavoidably embraced added-value complication on a regular basis, which sometimes causes me problems and "heartache". I have 'feelings' for every one I meet and interact with. Some of those feelings seem robust and forceful, and some of them minimal and mimsey. I can't help feeling that the latter come from my laziness. I'm thinking that My Chemical Romance was a great name for a rock band.