Mr Tumnus, Detours and daisies in my heart

1. Mr Tumnus gives me endless amounts of simple pleasure. He is the silliest creature I've ever come to love. I just adore him. Today I came home and he was curled up on a wicker chair in the sunnyroom. I spent sometime chatting to the good people on Facebook and MSN and it cheered me and made me miserable both. There's this one boy that drives me nuts, no matter how much I try to express friendship and compassion he rejects it. I don't really know why I bother, I can't quite give up. Perhaps it relies on my bruised ego for the nutrition to survive. It's developing into what I imagine is a sado/masochistic comedy show. So much, well all of it, takes place in my head and in the interweb world of zeros and ones, its crazy. It probably could get to be difficult to define one reality from another. I'm almost ready to abandon him and never bother again and then I think about how I feel when I'm alone, its not good. I don't suppose he's really alone but a small part of me thinks that perhaps a little part of him is. I have the very happy situation of having Mr Tumnus and the people I love around me to keep me bouyant and free.

2. Bloody Sheryl Crow. I have a bad feeling about this record "Detours" its full of the predictable trumpeting of this girly moaner. I'm about to get addicted again, like that song about about peeling labels off Buds in a bar. I've listened to "Love is Free" a hundred times and I've only had this record since today. Its just ridiculously shallow. But there are songs on here that are a bit deepier say "Peace Be Upon Us" and "Love is all there is". I read somewhere that this is all about a sadness at the end of a relationship. I'm enjoying the lightly sad expressions in it, they suit my mood. This evening someone challenged me to role play and make up a fantasy scenario. I thought it was a bit predictable rather like singing about a love that's moved on. Sometimes I imagine that everything will return to another time when everything was full of laughter and lightness. Right now I feel like I'm taking a a bit of a detour myself with pretty no idea of where I'm heading. It's not so very bad. I just have to stay stable and try not to sink.

3. Daisies in the garden help to soften the blows of craziness in my emotions. There are daisies in my heart. I went out and looked at the little patch on the back lawn today. I stood under the trees and remembered how good it felt on Sunday to look out at the trees and lie about chatting and breathing in the green and companionship they give up so completely and unconditionally. Whatever people might say about being in love there is something wonderful about the rush I feel when I think of each inhabitant of my heart. My heart is always pretty full and red. Today I've added even more to its already weighty and colourful load and I feel ready as always for more.